My new husband, Tommy Lee, recently got a really great job in his shop, and gave me some money to buy whatever I wanted, hinting heavily that I should buy a couple of dresses that he'd had his eye on me wearing. There was a sale at the site, so I bought them. They arrived here on Wednesday, and I tried them on after work and took photos, sharing them with my Instagram and Facebook followers. One in particular got a lot of attention, this one:
You may or may not be able to tell from the picture that I am not wearing any undergarments in this photo; not even a bra. But the dress made me feel pretty, so I shared moment.
Well, one snarky anonymous commenter wrote:
"You look like a Cabbage Patch doll dressed in Barbie clothes."
Now, this anonymous commenter apparently - based on the Instagram feed associated with the account that commented - has a beef with Pinup Girl Clothing. I am not qualified to comment on whether her claims have validity, but I would guess not, considering that it was this person and not PUGC who made such a low, ill-conceived, cowardly comment. I can't speak for other survivors of emotional and mental abuse, but I know how I felt about it, and this cowardly, anonymous commenter ought to feel ashamed of herself. Comments such as these make abuse survivors who lack confidence shrink further back into their shells. It damages people, makes self-doubt worse, and can even lead to depression, thoughts of self-harm and suicide, and more.
I share this story not to garner your sympathy. I'm fine. Sure, the unnecessary comment stung (still does), but I know that this person thinks - for some reason - that I have something to do with PUG; I don't. And she doesn't know me. I am just a customer of theirs who lives far, far away from Los Angeles, out in the boonies, someone who finally found herself and started to heal from years of abuse thanks to pinup culture and the clothes. And though this person may have a problem with the owners and managers of PUGC, taking to shaming their customers - something this person claims PUG does in private - makes the whole thing look like sour grapes, invalidates her arguments against PUG, and makes her look like a petulant, childish twit.
She doesn't know the circumstances of this photo being taken. She doesn't know that I don't show my arms most of the time because I am ashamed of them. She doesn't know that I endure hundreds of abusive, filthy, and rude comments and side-long glances from disapproving and jealous people every day in regards to my breasts. She doesn't know that I put on some weight after quitting smoking and I often look in the mirror and hate myself. She doesn't know that her comments made me think about quitting just about everything that puts me out in public. Those impulses - to give up things you love and hide and surrender to the feelings of worthlessness - are residual effects of the abuse I suffered. I struggle every single day to feel good about myself, to love myself, to be kind to my body for what it is. She doesn't know the damage her words can do - and did do - and probably wouldn't care, even if she did.
If I could give rude commenters some advice, it would be this gem that I learned when I was little, from Bambi: "If you can say something nice, don't say anything at all."
Keep your snarky comments to yourself, regardless of your "motivation" behind them.
I mean, really: is your snarky insult really worth wondering if YOU were the reason someone took his or her life?
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